I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
