Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
