i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
