Can Purell be used as lube?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize