Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
