And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
