Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize