We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
