some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
