I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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