I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
