To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
