Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
