She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
