His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
