At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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