She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The power of my boobs compel you
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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