Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she peed on how many people?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
