just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
