How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
