Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
