I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
