so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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