When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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