He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize