haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
