We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
