Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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