and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
its liver damage thursday
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
