Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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