When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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