How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
