You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
