david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
