Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
