i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize