Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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