he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I will be naked everywhere
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
