I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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