I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
