420 ftw
Apparently you make a good broom.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
