pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
