Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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