around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
