so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize