Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He had one of those small greek statue penises
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
