I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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