he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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