I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
babies were throwing up all over the place
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
