You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
