i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
