just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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