I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
