No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
