Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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