Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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