I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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