when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
