so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize