I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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