We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
