i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
