It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
