i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
