i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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