he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
